Friday, 27 December 2013
I Married A Poor Man And 9 Years Later, I Am Regretting It
I had several objections from my people who felt I was marrying below my standard and marrying a liability. The first years were not easy, I gave birth to a set of twins exactly seven months after our wedding. We had no inkling I was expecting a set of twins until the day of delivery.
It meant I had to do another set of shopping almost at once. It ate deeply into my finances fending for the twins and sustaining the family. My people refused to help because they were not impressed by the attitude of him and his family.
Despite being aware that their son was jobless, they insisted that two of his siblings should come stay with us immediately after the wedding. When I protested, he wondered if it was because he had no job, that if he were employed it was his duty to cater to the welfare of his parents and siblings.
Against sound reasoning, I allowed him have his way. As if that was not enough, his mother brought his sister’s child to come and stay with us as there was nobody to look after her after the death of her parents. When I pointed the fact it was only one income coming in, she resorted to the situation that if the case were to be reversed, her son would have taken care of my family.
She went to the extent of asking me to use my parents’ money to better the lot of my in-laws, that money was meant to be spent on people and not on building numerous houses like my selfish father. I was very hurt and didn’t know what to make of her remarks but because of the love I have for her son I didn’t bother to reply her and besides my parents would not have supported me being rude to my in-laws.
Whenever I complained about the wasteful nature of his people, to my husband, he would beg me to ignore them for the sake of peace in my house and since they help with the children and house chores. Without the prompting of my husband I enrolled them in schools. Overtime, their attitude towards me changed for the better, in fact they confessed that they didn’t know I was nice, that the impression they were given was that I was proud and rude.
They in fact became my trusted allies and helped in changing their mother’s perception of me. It was from them I discovered that they got the wrong impression of me from what people said about my family because of their wealth.
At a point the mother came to apologise too. We kept managing until my husband who consistently refused help from my father agreed to his help. Through my father, he got employed as one of the aides to one of the South Western governors.
I regret he did this because he changed overnight. In addition to not coming home at all, he doesn’t care about us; he has found new friends who he thinks are now superior to me and the other family members. In the presence of his new found friends he talks down on me, orders me around and sometimes takes to calling me names. Because of the burden I had to bear alone, I have lost touch with modern fashion preferring instead to manage what I have so that the family can be comfortable, the quality clothes I have are from my mother.
To think my husband now engages in extra marital affairs to the extent he gives lack of my fashion sense as an excuse, hurts. His entire family is against him, I hear his mother has gone to the extent of going to his office to fight him. My parents are disappointed and would have ensured he lost his job but for my interference.
I don’t know how to confront this problem, I am hopeless when it comes to prayers.
Please help me; I really do have to do something to save my marriage from imminent collapse.